THE nation’s redheads have been carefully moved into darkened rooms to protect them from the sun, it has been confirmed.
As the heatwave gets fiercer, people with ginger hair have been relocated to shady basements and attics to shield them from the light which would fry them instantly.
Ginger Tom Booker said: “People with red hair are like antique oil paintings or ice cubes. If you leave them directly exposed to the sun then it’s only a matter of time until they’re completely destroyed.
“That’s why every year I have to be gently manoeuvre into a suitably darkened room for the duration of summer. As I’m a particularly sensitive specimen, I’m placed in a big shoe box lined with straw. Like a tortoise, except way more delicate.”
Strawberry-blonde Donna Sherridan said: “I spend autumn and winter preparing for this by foraging a huge stockpile of crisps and wine. But now the time has come to hunker down and wait for the harsh temperatures to pass.
“I’ll conserve energy by lying down and scrolling through my phone until October, at which point I’ll emerge into a chilly environment better suited to my fragile complexion. See you then.”