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Giving way is a sign of weakness, drivers confirm

ALLOWING another road-user to take precedence over you is an unforgivable sign of weakness and should incur points, motorists have agreed. 

Giving way, whether to a car, a cyclist or a pedestrian is an act of submission which should, if repeated, lead to the loss of a driving licence and in extreme cases a full ban because of the danger it poses.

Qashqai driver Emma Bradford said: “It’s basic biology. Do rhinos give way to a herd of antelope? No. They charge ahead because they’re top of the food chain.

“By hesitating around being courteous and prioritising others, these idiots are causing crashes among real drivers like me: confident, brake seldom, basically apex predators with windscreen wipers.”

Wayne Hayes, a Ford Ranger Raptor driver from Stafford, agreed: “There are rules about who has right of way at junctions, and there are unwritten rules about self-respect and what it takes to get ahead.

“I’m not giving way just to be ‘nice’. It’s not the 14th century and I’m not a gallant knight. I’m a 43-year-old man on the way to the big Sainsbury’s to buy toilet roll.”

Reform MP Robert Jenrick said: “This nation has been weakened by the constant nanny-state need to make sure others are not ‘at risk’ of an ‘imminent collision’. When we should be ruling the road and dominating every junction, instead we ‘give way’.

“I don’t even stop for red lights. I go straight through them.”

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'Order your bank to agree to two per cent': Trump's advice to first-time buyers in the UK

BRITISH mortgage rates are shooting up like a Patriot missile because of war in Iran. So Donald Trump, always focused on the bottom line and the little guy, has advice: 

Ask your property magnate father for help

Your father’s a slumlord, right? I mean he really ought to be or what are you doing. Ask him, say ‘Dad, you’re doing a great job threatening these low-income tenants, I admire it so much, can you buy me a midtown duplex.’ Later say he wasn’t involved and boost its value by adding a gold plastic roof.

Tell your bank it’s agreed to two per cent

You hold all the power, so you dictate the arrangement. Announce to crowds that it’s historic, that they’ve agreed to an unprecedented two per cent, that it’s the best mortgage deal in history many are saying, and they’ll be compelled to go along with it. That’s what’s happening with Iran. Lloyds Banking Group and the British police will fold similarly.

Request a 30 per cent deposit as a gift

Don’t approach anyone. Let them come to you. European leaders, Middle Eastern leaders, the FIFA guy; allow them to offer you the gift of a deposit and magnanimously accept. This means they own you and you must do anything they ask no matter how illegal, corrupt or immoral, but that’s never been an issue in my experience.

Gazump a close friend

Friend of yours about to sign the paperwork for their longed-for first home? Swoop in and gazump like I did with Epstein. Yes, it meant screwing over a real friend, but I always preferred money. Actually that’s not what happened. I broke off contact with Jeff because he did sick things with underage girls I knew nothing about.

Lie

Finally, tell your friends and delighted parents you’ve finally bought your first home and are moving in soon. When you’re still in your rent-controlled Queens apartment six months later, vehemently insist you do own a house and you’re living there right now, even if they erroneously complain you sound f**king insane. It works for me.

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