GOT a personality as interesting as dry Weetabix but want to convince the world you’re a wacky, free-spirited rebel? Try wearing these items:
There’s nothing like a garish sock for failing to fool others into thinking you’re a fun person to be around. Unfortunately, people rarely see your socks so you’ve wasted good money on pairs from somewhere ludicrously expensive like Sock Shop, when you could have bought six pairs for two quid from Tesco.
If you still think nose piercings are edgy, you’re either over the age of 80 or as dull as dishwater in all other areas of your life. When people see you with one they don’t think ‘Wow, what an interesting and unique person’, they think ‘Bet that’s as messy as f**k when she gets a cold’.
Only children can pull off glittery shoes, and therefore any adult wearing them should be presumed to have the same mental age as a seven-year-old. However, if you do manage to step out of the house without feeling like an immense twat, more power to you. Just don’t expect anyone else to think you look anything other than ridiculous.
Brightly-coloured, fluffy coat
It’s all very well wearing funky clothes but when you’re out and about people only see your coat, so it’s crucial to buy some outerwear that announces what an eccentric you are. Opting for a furry, neon number that makes you look like a cheap cuddly toy won at a fairground is an excellent way to detract from your utter charmlessness.
Do you think a waistcoat marks you out as an offbeat, unconventional kind of guy? It doesn’t. At best you’ll look like a hipster reject from Mumford & Sons, and at worst a washed-up 1980s snooker player. The majority of the population understand that waistcoats should only be worn, begrudgingly, at weddings, so don’t imagine that yours will lead anyone to think you’re a fascinating human being.