Thursday, 25th February 2021

Going abroad and four other things it’s piss-easy to give up this lent

WANT to enjoy the smugness associated with abstinence but also can’t really be arsed? This year there are several things you can give up without even trying.

Going abroad

Normally it’s only money and a niggling feeling you’re destroying the planet that prevents you from jetting off to another country, but thanks to strict border controls it’s now practically impossible. This doesn’t mean you can’t feel all virtuous about your good deed whilst naively planning a doomed getaway for the summer though.

Frivolous spending

Are you the type of person who couldn’t leave work and get on the bus without popping into the shops in between to spend £150 on an ill-advised new jacket that you’ll never wear? Well, it’s now impossible, so make the most of being thrifty whilst it’s still being enforced on you by the government.

Gossiping

Talking about other people behind their back is fun but can be very damaging, so it’s a good choice to give up for lent. Due to the fact that no one you know has done anything even remotely interesting or scandalous due to lockdown, it will be a piece of piss to give up gossiping this year.

Eating healthily

Maintaining a balanced diet with a mix of food groups is a total chore, however it’s extremely easy to give up. A meal plan centred around cakes and crisps is much more fun and chances are this is exactly what you’ve been living on since March 2020.

Staying sober

By far the easiest thing to give up for lent. Even during the before time this was a breeze, but if you switch on the news you’ll find yourself reaching for a six pack without even thinking about it. If you’re teetotal, simply look through a friend’s window to get half-cut vicariously.