Friday, 5th June 2020

Gove mad for the gak

MICHAEL Gove is absolutely mental for beak, the white stuff, ching and nose crack, he has confessed. 

The environment secretary, who is in the running for Tory leader, admitted that every day begins with him bent over a mirror snorting fat lines of Peruvian flake. 

He said: “I’ve had a bump of sparkle in the Commons, during PMQs, on the front bench with the cameras on me. I don’t fucking care mate. 

“I’ve got a blow bill of hundreds of thousands a week. Rupert’s covering it, but keeping me in nosebag for the next month will be astronomical. 

“My wife Sarah’s holding a couple of bricks of yayo for me at the Daily Mail office now, in fact. So if there are no further questions?”