A HORNY man committed to political equality and social justice is carefully vetting his wild sexual fantasies for problematic content, he has confirmed.
Jack Browne was idly dreaming up erotic scenarios at his desk when he realised that many of the sexually arousing images and situations could see him cancelled online.
He said: “Hotel chambermaid’s a classic, right? Frilly little skirt? But is that exploitation of the working class? And am I whitewashing realities if it’s not an ethnic minority?
“I feel I have a duty to represent the marginalised in my fantasies so they feel seen, but honestly race is a minefield. Exploitation everywhere. Even when I fantasise full consent I can’t be sure it’s not coerced.
“And the one about being given a spongebath by two hot nurses making out is clearly unethical, given the pressure on the NHS. Plus their sexuality is not my spectacle, and it’s hard to sustain an erection when you keep visualising the thinkpiece in the Guardian.
“From now on I’m only imagining bland, vanilla sex with anonymous partners that doesn’t infringe on anyone’s human rights. And it’ll all be missionary.
“F**k, can you say missionary? Isn’t that white settler colonialism at its absolute worst?”
