ARE you actually set to arrive on time for once in your life? Here’s how to f**k yourself over just before you cross the finish line:
Try a new route
As you’ve got extra seconds to spare, this is the moment to test a short-cut through back roads or a different combination of tube lines. Or simply get cocky and disregard Google Maps for your own sense of direction. You’ll soon be so late you’re running and texting apologies at the same time.
Stop for refreshments
You can be in and out of Costa in no time, you kid yourself. But this visit isn’t the Formula One pit-stop you’d planned, with a queue, a new barista, and a malfunctioning expresso machine. By the time you’ve choked down your disappointing pecan Danish and grabbed your coffee you’re gulping it at high speed.
Make a call
You’re basking in extra time so surely this is the perfect time to catch up with an old pal or squeeze in a quick marital argument. Before you know it you’ll be hovering outside your destination, ten minutes late, desperately trying to end a chat with your mother.
Pop to a shop
You never have time to get anything so, as you’re a full two minutes ahead of schedule, why not pop into Flying Tiger or try on shoes you don’t want or need? That way you’re wasting money as well as time, and arrive late with shopping bags making it obvious why! Professional.
Turn to social media
You are a late person who’s on time for once – if that’s not worth posting on social media, what the hell is? All those old work colleagues and primary school friends who can’t quite remember why they follow you will be fascinated on their morning scroll. Three likes justify being late for that crucial job interview.
