SPENT your two precious days off doing bugger all but watching telly and wanking again? Fool friends and colleagues into believing you have an enviable social life:
Lean to the vague
No way does your phone show 14 hours of screen time for Saturday. In fact you had such a mad one at various pubs and clubs that your memory is hazy and bereft of detail. But your wild antics were definitely fun and definitely happened, and you definitely weren’t crying at Clueless again.
Look hungover
Easily achieved. Not because you spent Sunday evening drowning your dread of the week to come with gin, though. No, because even as late as last night you were in the pub, hanging out with a diverse crowd of attractive people who don’t have last names or social media accounts.
Reference pop culture
The Spurs game? Oh yeah, mad wasn’t it? Can you believe it when he scored? And as for that murder TV show everyone’s glued to? Gripping stuff or overrated trash, you agree. Nod and smile while the people with lives catch up and nobody will suspect that you spent 48 hours grinding Halo achievements.
Say ‘I got nothing done!’
Imply that your unironed shirt, unanswered emails and unkempt appearance were a direct consequence of getting picked up in a limo full of cool people straight from work on Friday, and let them fill in the blanks. If they suggest you lay on the sofa in a deep hole of despair, apathy and biscuits, tell them to try again.
Steal other people’s lives
Being pressed for information? Pass off other people’s lives as your own. Remember to change the names and places to make it more credible, don’t tell it to the person you stole it from, and cut out the bits where you’re suspiciously lively and admired. Alternatively, just say you went to the pub with mates. It’s simple, believable, and about as fun as life gets.
