Friday, 29th May 2020

Humans more excited for walkies than dogs

THE owners of dogs are now more excited than their pets about the prospect of walkies. 

Around the UK, owners are staring expectantly at their pets and interpreting any slight movement as a sign that they want to go for a lovely long walk outside.

Nikki Hollis, owner of a four-year-old Scottish terrier, said: “I used to sneer at Blossom for losing her shit about a quick walk around a crap local park. I totally get it now.

“Just the thought of grass and sky and not being stuck in this f**king house all day makes me wish I had a tail to wag.

“I’m scratching at the door and whining as Blossom looks at me indifferently. Sometimes I bring her the lead and she just walks away, keeping me prisoner. How far I am from howling I don’t know.

“I’m not dragging my bum on the carpet and shitting on the lawn yet, but it’s only a matter of time.”