HAS your youth disappeared into life’s rear view mirror? This is how you squandered your prime:
Playing video games
These days computer games let you make online friendships and even earn cash. In your youth you played alone in the dark, the only light in your room the screen of BBC Micro as you got repeatedly vaporised in Starship Command. Those were the best years of your life, and you f**ked them.
Studying too hard
You’re only young once, and you spent that precious time indoors hunched over revision guides while nervously chewing a highlighter pen. Your parents tried to force you to lighten the f**k up by pushing you into a field with a football, but before long you bunked off to get back to cramming. And then you got Cs.
Working in a shit job
While all your friends were out clubbing, your rota locked you into facing-up Co-op shelves every Friday and Saturday night. You didn’t even save a fortune in the process because you were being paid bugger all. All that hard work paid off in the end though because now you’re assistant supervisor and get one Friday off a month. Winning.
Staying in a crap relationship
You were young, you didn’t know any better, and if you were lucky your manipulative partner occasionally let you get to second base. Looking back on it though, that crap relationship cost you the opportunity to hit on a slew of hot singletons at the height of their attractiveness. You wouldn’t have scored anyway, but it’s the principle that matters.
Being an overall ungrateful twat
You had no bills, no responsibilities, and a whole life of possibilities was in front of you. And what did you do? Grow a horrendous haircut, treat the world with disdain, and listen to The Smiths because everything was so unfair and stupid. This is acceptable behaviour when life’s crushed your dreams but twattish when you’re young.