Thursday, 25th February 2021

Making friends share posts for 'good luck', and other signs you're an online moron

HAVE you got Lionel Messi as your Twitter pic? Are you always the top replier to Piers Morgan? Here’s how your online presence can reveal you are in fact a raging simpleton.

You share posts that friends also have to share for ‘good luck’

Whatever powerful deity rules over the universe, it’s doubtful that he or she is making decisions based on your Facebook feed. If anything, plaguing friends with this mindless shit is likely to send bad karma your way.

You reply to celebrities you fancy on Twitter – a lot

No matter how many times you tell Rachel Riley ‘Good morning’, or that she looked nice in that dress on Countdown today, it’s not that likely she’ll leave her husband and family for a random stranger on the internet. Even if you use emojis.

You are always asking friends for recommendations on Facebook

Waste everyone’s time with endless dull questions about a good place to eat in Hendon or a reliable cleaner in Truro. You know you aren’t going to use their suggestions. They know you aren’t going to use their suggestions. Google exists. Try using it.

You retweet shit that says ‘1 RT = 1 Respect’

You do know that soldiers managed to fight in wars successfully for hundreds of years without you spamming everyone’s feed with a badly-photoshopped poppy, right?

You take posts from satirical news websites literally

Has China got a new rocket that can destroy the Earth’s core, every human and all the Morlocks living underground? Skim read obviously made-up stuff and bombard your friends with it as if it’s true. Or perhaps try using a thing known as ‘your brain’.