Man-bun replaces combover as best baldness-hiding hairstyle

THE man-bun is now the most popular hairstyle choice for desperate men who are fighting a losing battle with baldness.

After several decades of unconvincingly sweeping their remaining hair over the shiny, naked patch of scalp, men have realised that tying it in a wanky little bun on the top of their head provides much better camouflage.

Jack Browne, 35, said: “I honestly thought I was going to escape male pattern baldness, despite the fact that my older brother, dad and grandad have all succumbed.

“But then I hit 30 and it started to go, and here I am with a hairless spot that is now big enough for my girlfriend to comment on while I am attempting to perform cunnilingus on her.

“Giving in and shaving my hair off will make me feel emasculated, so instead I’m going to grow my remaining hair into a thin, straggly mop, buy some elastics from Claire’s and watch a few YouTube videos about up-dos. That’s the manly approach.”

Browne’s girlfriend Lucy Phipps said: “I was already thinking about dumping him for being shit in bed, but this pathetic little man-bun has really sealed the deal.”

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'Why isn't there a White Friday?' asks gammon

A CONTRARIAN bigot is predictably asking why there is a Black Friday but no White Friday.

GB News viewer Wayne Hayes is outraged at the idea of Black Friday, not because it is a corporate money-making ploy, but because he thinks it is the latest progressive conspiracy out to get him.

He barked: “First Black Lives Matter and now this. Where does this woke, white-hating nonsense end?

“I can’t even suggest something as reasonable as White Friday without people looking at me funny and calling me an idiot. But what’s stupid about missing the point of a promotion and projecting my own agenda onto it?

“Although obviously I’m deliberately misunderstanding just to be a bigoted arse. I am, as they say, ‘just asking’.

“I’m not racist, in fact I’ve got lots of friends who celebrate Black Friday. But why do they have to shove it down our throats by sending me loads of emails about discounted laptops? Save it for Black History Month, which I’m also opposed to.

“I suppose it could be worse. At least it isn’t LGBTQIA+ Friday. If that ever becomes a thing, which I suspect it will, I’ll riot.”

Hayes’ liberal son Tom said: “I could tell dad Black Friday is all about bank accounts going into the black but he’ll only start kicking off about Muslims. I bet he’ll buy a new widescreen TV as well.”