Man embarks on doomed facial hair experiment

A MAN has initiated yet another ill-fated experiment with his facial hair while his girlfriend is away. 

Steve Malley, aged 30, has already attempted sideburns, a full beard and a goatee described by friends as ‘hauntingly inadequate’ and is now trying out a moustache.

He said: “When the cat’s away, the mouse will grow a full Tom Selleck.

“I’ve been toying with the idea ever since I saw Bohemian Rhapsody but didn’t want anyone to think this was just a Movember thing. I really think this is the one I can carry off.

“Nikki’s away for ten days, so it might still be a little bit patchy when she comes home, but it’ll be very different from the pencil one she said made me look like a 12-year-old pimp.

“This time it’ll be full, bushy, luxuriant and she’ll love it. I’ve got a great line about free moustache rides that’ll blow her away.”

Girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “He’s growing a moustache? Fuck it. I’m growing out my moustache.”