Saturday, 5th December 2020

Man only became a father so he could play with Lego

A FATHER-OF-TWO has admitted he only had children so he could play with Lego as an adult. 

Jordan Gardner, aged 39, viewed his son and daughter as a small price to pay for an unlimited Lego budget and plenty of enforced playing time he cannot be adversely judged for.

He said: “I love my children, which is a bonus, but they were very much a means to an end for me.

“Lego was brilliant when I was a kid and it’s gone from strength to strength since. I was eyeing sets lustfully but my girlfriend was repelled by the idea. So I thought the easiest workaround was to get her pregnant.

“Sometimes little Iain does get annoyed that we only play with Lego, and that I don’t let him mix Marvel and Star Wars characters, and when he gets it for his birthday and I build it all when he’s asleep because I’m too excited.

“But if I have to get up in the middle of the night to wipe actual excrement off an arse for three years, I believe I should be allowed to choose their toys. They’re bringing out the 1989 movie Batwing. I’ve pre-ordered.”

Lego collector Nathan Muir said: “Have children, just for Lego? Well I suppose if you think sex and companionship are worthwhile pursuits.”