A MAN has successfully convinced himself that Easter sex is both traditional and deserved, and has set out to get some.
Ryan Whittaker, aged 34, came to the conclusion by comparing Easter to other holidays, adding the differential of a four-day weekend, and multiplying by his own horniness.
He explained: “Look at the facts. You’re giving chocolate as a gift? When else do you give chocolate as a gift? Valentine’s Day, which is a guaranteed score.
“It’s all themed around bunnies and spring. What do bunnies do in spring? They f**k. What else is themed around bunnies? The Playboy Mansion.
“There’s four full days off, and it’s not Christmas so there’s no obligation to see family and shit. That surely is only there to maximise the scoring opportunities for the single man, or woman, who’s open to committing to a three-night stand.
“The conclusion? I am suiting up and hitting the bars and getting myself some Easter sex. If the ladies haven’t heard of it, I’ll simply explain my flawless logic.”
Whittaker is next expected to work himself up at the beginning of May when he develops the concept of Coronation sex.