A MALE motorist feels the journey durations calculated by his satnav are a personal challenge he must beat to prove his manhood.
Emotionally insecure prick Tom Logan thinks he can only maintain his imaginary alpha male status by speeding from A to B far faster than it is meant to take normal people.
Logan said: “If I get in my car and it says it will take one hour 45 minutes to get to Cirencester or wherever I just think ‘Nah, I can beat that’. In fact I have to or I’m not a proper bloke.
“Various buried psychological issues are at work here, but the main one is that my satnav’s voice is female, and if I can’t tank it to my destination quicker than some woman reckons I’m only half a man, right?
“Weirdly, it still always seems to be unerringly correct, but that’s just down to all the other prats on the road driving like pussies. There’s not much I can do to prevent that, they just need to get out of the f**king way and see how a real, heterosexual man drives.”
Logan’s partner Sarah said: “Tom’s obsession with thinking he can drive down the A38 like he’s Lewis f**king Hamilton baffles me.
“This is just wild speculation, but I think it might be related to his unfeasibly tiny penis.”