Monday, 3rd August 2020

Man urgently needs to buy himself something

A MAN who has had a tough week is urgently searching for something he can buy himself to cheer himself up. 

Tom Booker, aged 32, is currently browsing the internet looking for just the right item to lift his spirits with the warm thrill of consumerism, though if unsuccessful has not ruled out visiting physical shops.

He said: “It’s been a bastard of a week. I don’t remember one like this since I got the expresso machine.

“I work hard, I deserve a treat now and again, but I’m struggling with exactly what. I found this fantastic pair of jeans then I remembered I still haven’t worn the last ones I bought.

“I’ve got stacks of Blu-Rays I’ve not watched, the number of unplayed videogames is approaching triple figures, and I’m drowing in single malts.

“I need a whole new category of thing I can buy to give myself that gratification buzz. Maybe I could get into watches?”

Booker’s desperate yearning for solace ended on Sunday evening, when he won an eBay auction for yet another pair of trainers.