Sunday, 25th October 2020

Mum baffled as to why she has to watch so much shit children's sport

A MUM can see no valid reason for spending a huge part of her life watching small children’s totally inconsequential sporting events.

Due to having three children, Donna Sheridan finds herself watching a wide range of sports she is not interested in played by kids who are spectacularly shit at them.

She said: “Whenever my seven-year-old Jack plays football I feel I have to hang around aimlessly and cheer him on half-heartedly as if anyone gives a toss who wins.

“It would be great if he went on to play in the Premier League, but it’s not going to happen. Even if he had a shred of talent - which his regular own goals suggest he doesn’t - the odds are stacked against it. So why am I here again?

“My daughter Tanya is on her primary school netball team, so that’s another borefest of extremely amateurish sport. My other daughter Millie is into swimming, or as I see it, wasting my precious life.

“I must have done something terrible in a previous life to deserve this. My only hope is that I can encourage them to take up less boring sports, like cage fighting.

“It might seem harsh to expose your children to violence, but considering the suffering I’ve experienced watching countless tedious primary school clashes it seems pretty fair.”