Sunday, 9th August 2020

Man washing car a disturbing number of times

A MAN’S neighbour has been washing his Ford Galaxy a frankly distressing amount of times, it has emerged.

When Tom Logan first saw Steve Malley cleaning his car at the start of lockdown he was impressed by him using the free time to get chores done, but now just finds it worrying. 

Logan said: “He’s out there at least four times a week, washing his already clean car. What’s he up to? Is he murdering people and washing away the evidence? 

“Or has he suffered a head injury so he’s stuck reliving every day over and over again, unable to remember anything? That’s really upsetting to think about.

“Or maybe he has no life and washes the car because he literally can’t think of anything else to do. That’s pretty sad too.

“It’s particularly distressing now it’s hot, because it’s like he’s in some sort of wet t-shirt contest that only he entered, and there are no winners, only one soggy loser.” 

Malley said: “There’s nothing like getting your car obsessively clean while listening to Craig David on Magic FM. Although I think I may have rubbed a hole in the bonnet.”