Monday, 6th July 2020

Man who's agreed to 'massive night' hoping something disastrous will happen

A MAN who has agreed to a big night out with mates is praying there will be some sort of disaster so he can be in bed by 10pm.

Tom Logan really does not fancy it and is fantasising that personal injury or events beyond his control will mean he can cancel or just have two pints.

Logan, 42, said: “I’m a bit tired and would really prefer to stay in with the TV, so a flash flood causing panic and mayhem would be ideal. Or riots. Please let there be riots.

“I’m not holding out too much hope for that, so I’m hoping I’ll sprain an ankle. I’m not sure how that will happen but I’m planning to walk around really clumsily while I get ready.

“Sadly I’ll probably end up meeting the lads for a great night, but there’s always the chance of a city-wide electricity outage. People would probably die, but we’d definitely have to go home after that.”

Friend Wayne Hayes said: “Tom’s always like this until his fifth pint and then he ends up dragging us round a load of shit late-night bars and we wish he’d stayed in.”