Thursday, 15th April 2021

Man whose wife wants skirting boards painting knows how Jesus felt

A MAN whose wife has told him he must spend the Easter break painting the skirting boards feels he now fully understands Christ’s ordeal on the cross.

Accountant Tom Logan’s wife Sarah has insisted he makes the ultimate sacrifice by not spending all weekend watching Sky Sports, particularly Arsenal vs Liverpool on Saturday night.

Logan said: “I really get how Jesus must have felt. He was probably expecting a decent break after all his hard work being Messiah, just like me in the accounts department, then suddenly your bank holiday’s ruined.

“There’s a bit in the gospel according to Mark, 14:36, where Christ asks God to spare him crucifixion. ‘Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me.’

“It was the same with me. I asked my wife if I could be spared this torment. She turned me down flat. I appealed directly to God but he’s bloody forsaken me too.

“Seriously, I’d rather drink vinegar from a sponge on a stick than paint bloody skirting boards.

“I mean, fair enough, I get to rise again – at 7am on Tuesday morning to commute to work on the Northern Line. A few days chilling out in a tomb would be better.”