Man with neck beard wondering what the hell he was thinking

A MAN is having a major rethink of his neck beard after realising he has no idea why he grew it.

Administrator Martin Bishop began to have doubts about the beard – which is unconnected to other facial hair – after looking in the mirror and realising he had made himself look strange.

Bishop said: “Why did I grow this fucking neck beard? Does anyone know? I certainly don’t and I’m the one who grew it.

“It’s not really a hipster beard and it’s not a masculine beard like Action Man had. It just makes me look slightly like an internet troll or an Amish guy, which is a really odd look to go for.”

Bishop’s mum Sandra said: “He certainly does look like a twat.”

Bishop has theorised that he wanted a beard like many other men but also wanted to be ‘a bit different’, something he achieved by looking like an arse. 

He added: “I’m going to have to cut it off. I could grow more facial hair so it all joins up into a proper beard, but then I’d have several weeks of looking like I’ve got mange.”

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Far-right distancing itself from Morrissey

EXTREME right-wing groups have sought to distance themselves from the increasingly unhinged former lead singer of The Smiths.

After Morrissey gave his support to EDL founder Tommy Robinson, fascists said they would prefer not to be associated with a massive musical ponce desperately clinging to some sort of relevance.

EDL member Roy Hobbs said: “While I’m still pretty sure Britain’s under dire threat from Muslims and all that sort of thing, I cannot endorse anything said by that twat Morrissey.

“Does he really mean half this shit? Is he a proper, honest-to-goodness racist like me or is he just a pathetic attention seeker who wants to be some sort of indie Katie Hopkins?

“Please, Morrissey, if you actually share our beliefs then shut the fuck up and stop damaging the image of violent, far-right, crypto-Nazis.

“Also he should start writing decent tunes again. Ones like How Soon is Now? which have a good tune but also a serious message about loneliness and social alienation.”

A spokesman for Morrissey denied his craving for attention had caused him to lose the plot, and offered a preview copy of his new album Hitler Had Some Good Ideas.