By Francesca Johnson
PAYING £100 to fill up your car should be a wake-up call to politicians. You’re alienating key voters like me who don’t give a shit about hardship so long as it happens to other people.
The bleeding hearts keep banging on about families who can’t afford to turn the oven on. But who’s highlighting the sad look on my face when I’m filling up my Range Rover? I need that car to get to aerobics and the Sainsbury’s in easy walking distance.
All these money-saving tips are patronising rubbish. How am I meant to use less petrol? I can’t go to work on public transport because it’s full of muggers and dirty people. I feel itchy just thinking about them.
Apparently poor children are crying because they’re hungry at school. You think that’s bad, kiddoes? When I’m paying for petrol I feel like crying too. Crying for all the white wine and garden furniture I could have spent it on.
It’s time for the government to act. I’d like to see an emergency payment to cope with the immediate crisis, say £800 for a Volkswagen Polo, going up to £2,500 for a Range Rover Evoque. These things guzzle petrol, even if you’re nipping to the supermarket for just one onion.
In the longer term there should be a windfall tax on the poor. Many of them don’t have the expense of running a car, so it’s only fair some of their benefits should go to me.
Without this sort of decisive action I’m sorry Boris, or possibly Keir, you’ve lost my vote. Utterly selfish people like me deserve help. You don’t find us demanding better trains or hospitals. I haven’t got cancer, so I literally don’t see the point of cancer treatment.
So let’s ignore these people being made homeless and help the forgotten victims of petrol price rises – people like me and my family. Or, if push comes to shove, just me.