MEN have admitted that no matter how many haircuts they have had, they still fall into a state of mumbling idiotic confusion when asked how they want it done.
Nathan Muir, aged 35, recently went for his sixth identical cut of the year but could only describe the style he wanted with the stumbling, halting panic of a rural simpleton who has just sighted a UFO.
He said: “I wanted something a bit cool so told the barber I wanted it kind of smooth but ruffled and he looked blank, like I was asking a mechanic to sex up my car.
“I further explained ‘You know, kind of wild but tamed? Work hard play hard?’ and he began to back away as though I was making a pass.
“I fell silent and he said ‘Short back and sides?’ to which I gratefully agreed to end the awkwardness.
“How do pop stars get their fancy haircuts? Do they have a special code?”
Men’s stylist Tom Logan said: “Men’s haircuts cannot be described in language. Even the fancy ones you see on TV are just accidents.
“I just ask ‘Like a twat or not like a twat?’ Then I just snip around and see what happens.”