Middle-class woman runs out of hobbies to pathetically give up on

A MIDDLE-CLASS woman has officially run out of creative projects to abandon.

35-year-old Emma Bradford came to the realisation after adding an unfinished hand-weaved basket to her pile of crap handicraft projects in a cupboard.

She said: “Every time I feel dissatisfied with my life, I start a new arty project to get me out of my bourgeois rut.

“I’m usually about a quarter of the way in before I realise that making my own soap isn’t going to cut it.

“Once I’m halfway through I tend to think things like ‘Why the fuck am I crocheting a hat?’ and give up completely.

“I’ve done jewellery-making, knitting, sewing, you name it. I’ve built half a dolls’ house, I’ve done watercolours that look like my five-year-old did them and I started painting bottles for some reason.

“Don’t even mention the charcoal drawing, flower arranging and calligraphy. I can’t think of anything left to try, so I’m just going to have to sit here and think about the futility of life.

“Oh, wait! I’ve never tried adult colouring-in. That will definitely fill the void.”