A NEIGHBOUR is playing Coldplay at full blast in his garden just as if the whole street were not at home with the windows open, unable to escape.
Martin Bishop put the band’s first album on his Bluetooth speaker, sat in a deckchair and opened a beer without considering the misery he was forcing on at least 12 other households.
Nikki Hollis said: “Is he f**king kidding me? I’ve done a whole morning’s homeschooling, my boss is giving me bullshit about a Zoom catch-up, I make it outside with a massive lunchtime gin and Yellow is on?
“Coldplay are bad enough at the best of times, but Chris Martin wanking on mournfully while you’re imprisoned in a three-bed semi is the worst part of this pandemic so far. It’s the kind of psychological warfare you’d associate with CIA black ops.
“I’ve obeyed social distancing for seven weeks, so I’m within my rights to go round there and smash his stupid speaker in with a spade. The whole street will thank me.”
Bishop said: “Wow, that sounds good. I think I’ll put on Snow Patrol next.”