A HOUSEGUEST who sweetly said she did not want to impose should have thought of that before arriving at a friend’s home for a whole weekend.
Sophie Rodriguez surprised Charlotte Phelps by arriving on Friday evening, insisting she would not be a burden and asking why there was not any oat milk in the fridge.
Phelps said: “Has Soph realised that home invasion is actually a genre of horror film? And even in those they’re not expected to put out fresh towels for them?
“If she wasn’t here, I’d be in my pants watching Honeymoon Island, might have a wank if I’m feeling cheerful. Instead I’m lounging around a suspiciously clean flat with a scented candle burning as if that was my usual Saturday.
“Making a bed and making her endless drinks would be tolerable if not having to constantly reassure her that nothing delights me more than her presence. ‘No fuss at all!’ I say when she asks to use all my make-up. ‘Let me stack the dishwasher!’ I resentfully volunteer.
“Even when she’s gone I’ll have a bed to deflate, no prosecco left and a weekend spent being a servant. Male houseguests are loads better. You get pissed with them, they sleep on the sofa, they’re gone by 10am leaving Sky Sports News on.”
Rodriguez said: “Lovely to see Lottie and I could relax after seeing the state of the place, knowing she’d gone to no effort.”
