SPONTANEITY is limited to people who have the financial means to go on exciting adventures at the last minute, it has emerged.
Research has confirmed that visiting a trendy restaurant on a whim or booking an impromptu skiing holiday to La Bresse is the preserve of high-earners and those with a sickening amount of inherited wealth.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The last time a poor person was spontaneous was in 2006. And they died shortly afterwards from the stress of having no money left.
“Unlike the wealthy, everyone else has to carefully ration their pennies for big expenses like a train journey in six months’ time, or for that matter a big bar of Dairy Milk. Even an unscheduled half could leave them struggling to afford shoes.
“If you can afford to impulsively swing by the cinema or have a weekend break in Madrid you’re in the top one per cent. Why not spontaneously donate some money to charity, or isn’t that fun enough for you?
“Going to Japan should be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, not something you randomly do next week because you’re bored. For normal people, being spontaneous is buying apple-scented washing-up liquid instead of their usual lemon. Provided it’s just as cheap.”
Well-off person Francesca Johnson said: “Have poor people considered owning a large property portfolio or being the privately-educated child of a celebrity? Then they could do whatever they want whenever they like.”
