Robert Jenrick, and the rest of the happy crew riding the 'two-tier' bandwagon

THE police acted incompetently in the Henry Nowak case, but opportunists have turned it into a bandwagon about two-tier, anti-white policing. Here’s who couldn’t wait to get on board.

Rupert Lowe 

Restore’s Rupert Lowe claimed the police live in fear of being called racist then went off into loony territory by ranting about our ‘sick multicultural experiment’. ‘I am going to look back in anger,’ he said. ‘I urge you all to do the same.’ Make of that what you will. The sort of people rioting don’t look interested in seeing a John Osborne play.

Robert Jenrick 

Jenrick told the Commons that ethnic minorities are ‘elevated’ above whites in the UK, ending with the very clever comment that ‘white lives matter’. Bear in mind this is the twat who painted over refugee children’s murals and eagerly donned a ‘Hamas are terrorists’ sweatshirt. If there was a bandwagon for bandwagons, Jenrick would be on it proclaiming ‘The culture of indigenous bandwagons is under threat!’

Sarah Vine

‘Britain’s police and courts now operate a two-tier justice system,’ wrote Sarah Vine confidently, while tastelessly noting that Nowak ‘died like a dog on the pavement’. And yet research has consistently proved that non-whites get harsher treatment, such as custodial sentences instead of community punishments. Luckily Sarah has plenty of evidence to refute this longstanding error. Sadly she didn’t put it in the article.

Miscellaneous thugs

The bandwagon also served as a holiday coach providing yobs with a fun day out getting pissed, giving Nazi salutes and hurling missiles at the police in a way that’s sufficiently half-arsed to avoid getting arrested. One was seen cheerfully drinking a can of Red Stripe, which feels jarringly multicultural.

Nigel Farage

Farage tried to go one better than Lowe’s ‘look back in anger’ by saying people should respond with ‘pure, cold rage’, which isn’t literally ‘Go and throw a wheelie bin at a copper’ so that’s fine. Unfortunately it appears the two are now in an ongoing competition to be the most right-wing leader, which is going to be f**king tedious. Presumably the next time Lowe denies global warming, Farage will have to say the Greens want to allow vegetables to get married. 

Tommy Robinson

Hopping on racially-charged bandwagons is basically Tommy’s job so it was hardly surprising to see him popping up and leading an awkward minute’s silence for ‘Henry’ in front of a mob of shaven-headed racists. Oddly he started ranting about Muslims, which is confusing, but he claims to be a journalist so he must have done his research and Britain is in fact under threat from hordes of Sikh-Muslims.

Kemi Badenoch

In fairness Kemi did actually express personal sadness about the victim, Henry Nowak, but then had to get back on-message for right-wing voters by saying she blamed ‘all the nonsense that came in after the Black Lives Matter movement’. So true, Kemi. It’s such a pain in the arse having to take the knee every time you see a black person on the telly.

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We ask you: Which iconic British creature must be on banknotes or you'll riot?

THE Bank of England has announced the 18-strong shortlist of beasts for British banknotes and the country is in uproar. Which will you go to war to be included? 

Roy Hobbs, retired: “Putting the buff-tailed bumblebee in there is clear bias toward bee-tattooed Andy Burnham. Instead I shall be backing the common frog, in honour of Nigel Farage.”

Hannah Tomlinson, dog groomer: “Dolphins? Doesn’t King Charles already own them? Now he wants them on the £50 on the flip side of his jowly face? The ego on this prick.”

Steve Malley, cobbler: “If I pick the pine marten, will people think it’s because I’m pining for Martin? Because I’m not. I never even think about him these days. You brought him up.”

Helen Archer, physiotherapist: “The hedgehog because they’re flat aren’t they, like money is. Or they are when I see them.”

Martin Bishop, cave diver: “Christ, put together like this our animals really are shit, aren’t they? It’s no wonder we nicked the lion for England shirts.”