Owning a speedboat in Britain ‘a bit shit’

OWNING a speedboat in the UK is nothing like being in Miami Vice or indeed any fun whatsoever, a man has revealed.

Roy Hobbs of Southampton has derived little pleasure or excitement from his high-speed water vehicle that should be incredibly cool to own.

Small businessman Hobbs said: “When I shelled out £21,000 for my Viper LX900 powerboat I forgot one important factor – Britain’s constant fucking rain.

“It’s hard to enjoy the thrill of opening up the throttle when you’re drenched to the bone and the endless drizzle is making congealed seagull shit drip all over the seats.

“Then there’s tedium like paying making sure you’re meeting marine safety regulations and your flare gun is safely stowed. Crockett and Tubbs in Miami Vice never had to fill out a four-page mooring permit for the local council.”

Hobbs’ wife Sandra said: “It’s cold and nasty. I don’t go on it anymore.”

Other problems associated with Hobbs’ disappointing boat included spending a vast amount of time fiddling with the GPS and feeling seasick when he was trying to have a ‘champagne picnic’.

He added: “You can’t go too fast without hitting a yacht or being crushed by a massive Chinese cargo vessel, so this weekend I’ll probably just watch repeats of Come Dine With Me.”