Posh wankers begin planning baffling skiing trips

AS winter approaches, posh tossers have begun planning their annual skiing trips involving weird things normal people never do.

Thousands of privileged Britons are booking holidays featuring punishing physical exercise, impenetrable terminology and excessive consumption of melted cheese.

Corporate lawyer Nathan Muir said: “To be honest I get more out of saying dramatic things like ‘Petra only bloody ended up on a black run by mistake!’ than the actual skiing.

“Sliding down a hill dressed as a toddler is okay, but for me it’s all about five-star private chalets and consuming food and beverages like goose and hot wine that were last popular in the 1800s.

“I also love our hearty ski conversations, such as ‘Thank god it was a gondola, not a button lift!’. Of course, you wouldn’t know what those are, which is kind of the point.”

Fellow skier Francesca Johnson said: “Anything less than a hot tub, champagne on tap and a personal butler to flick cashews at is unacceptable. And of course there’s the aprés-ski.

“I think it means ‘getting drunk with a Norwegian’, but it could just be something to say to make the riff-raff feel left out.”