Random things you can wear on your feet that are better than flip-flops

FLIP-FLOPS are shit. Plastic bags held on with elastic bands would look more stylish and keep your feet cleaner. So what other things could you use?

Road kill

Slide your feet into what are essentially real life versions of those big fluffy animal slippers people seem to love. A bit unhygienic, but not much more so than flip-flops.

Verruca socks

Given that flip-flops should only be worn to keep you a safe distance above a verruca-infested changing room floor at a sports centre, why not just go the whole hog and wear the weird socks all the time?

Blocks of ice

You want your feet to be cool, right? Pop them in buckets of water and add liquid nitrogen for instant freezing. As a bonus, this will probably make your feet fall off, solving all your footwear problems instantly.

Cheese strings

If you’re a bit of an oddball who enjoys the feel of something between your toes, why not construct your footwear from cheese strings? It will have the same consistency as those thongy bits of flip-flops, smells the same and you can eat it later.

Shoes

Shoes were made for a purpose, the main one of which is to stop us having to look at each other’s horrible feet. Wear some.