WOMEN identify all sorts of essential tasks mere men simply cannot grasp the point of. Here are five prime examples.
Running the hoover round before the cleaner arrives
For women, half the point of paying someone to clean the house is to show off how spotless it is in the first place. A quick zoom round with the vacuum just before they’re due shows how house-proud they are. For men it’s an utterly futile gesture akin to giving the car a thorough health check before taking it in for its MOT.
Changing the bedsheets every week
Women are obsessed with having crisp, clean sheets to snuggle into at bedtime. But why bother, ask men, when the only time you get into bed it’s pitch black and you plan to be comatose within five minutes, so you won’t even be able to tell. A six-monthly trip to the laundrette is surely more than sufficient?
Having completely separate summer and winter wardrobes
Women spend endless hours and shitloads of cash amassing entirely separate, colour-coordinated clothes to match the changing seasons, and would no sooner wear autumnal browns in spring or summer than go out naked. For men it’s simple – shorts in the summer, jeans for winter, and if it’s too cold for just a t-shirt, stick a bloody hoodie or jumper on. Then spaff all the money you’ve saved down the pub.
Rinsing plates before putting them in the dishwasher
To men, this utterly senseless waste of time and water is unfathomable. The dishwasher is a brilliant invention designed to save you having to be arsed washing up, so why do its job for it?. Bugger it if excess food residue eventually blocks the filters – she knows how to remove and clean them anyway.
Getting out of the shower to take a piss
Getting caught short while showering happens to everyone, which is no surprise with all that splashing water around. For women, this means getting out, drying off and attending to nature’s call in a civilised manner before resuming their rigorous cleaning regime. Men? There’s a plughole there, an already running shower to act as a flush, so it’s ready, aim, fire.