Friday, 29th May 2020

Should you book a cruise or read the news?

IN the current crisis, it’s hard to know whether to book a holiday or to do a minuscule amount of research into quite how up shit creek the world is at the moment. Here’s how to figure it out.

You’ve been looking forward to a rest

Have you been desperate for some time out all year? Wouldn’t it be unfair if you, having pretended to work very hard from home during lockdown, miss out on your chance to reset?

It might, however, be worth perusing the headlines to see the kind of relaxing breaks on offer, such as: no hotels, no shagging the locals and the whole two weeks spent in your destination country’s mandatory quarantine.

You need some sunsets for the ‘gram

Social media pressure can be a strong motivator for travel, and if it is the key driver in your life then definitely go on holiday. How can you keep your 97 followers happy if they don’t get to look at what passes for your abs by a pool?

Due to it not being a good idea to spread deadly virus across international borders, you’ll probably have to scale your sunsets back from Palm Beach to Padstow. And even then it’s likely that irate locals will drive you out with pitchforks like a pound shop Gordon Ramsay.

You fancy an adventure

If like millions of people you think a change of scenery will lift you out of your pandemic-induced misery, book a holiday somewhere far-flung and exotic. Apparently Brazil is great this time of year.

Or you could read the news and discover a whole new adventure awaiting you, in the form of your COVID-ravaged corpse being repatriated after a six-month wait in a temporary beach morgue. You could do it for the likes, but it’s doubtful you’ll get any.