Six hobbies that don't necessarily mean you have to smoke weed but always do

INTERESTED in ley lines? Campfire jam sessions with friends? Or any other hobby which theoretically could be enjoyed without weed, but never, ever is?

Stone circles

There’s no specific reason why Neolithic sites should be connected to getting stoned. Their builders were off their tits on mushrooms, if anything. But any unfenced henge is regularly stumbled around by hippies in clouds of skunk, feeling energies flow through them, oblivious to the annoyed looks from druids pissed off nobody takes their work seriously.

Bongo drums

These open-bottomed hand-drums travelled from Africa to Cuba to New York, but at some point a bloke with long hair and a smouldering spliff picked up a pair. Ever since, arriving at a party and seeing a set of bongos means there’s some pretty good shit being passed around, along with some pretty shit music.

Underground comics

Comics themselves aren’t necessarily a sign of drug use. Everyone loves superheroes now. Alan Moore’s work gets made into blockbuster movies and he’s the definition of a dope-smoking hippy. But a home with Freak Brothers, Robert Crumb or Milk & Cheese comics scattered around is a home with a stash box and cellar growlights.

Exotic pets

Why would keeping a bearded dragon mean you automatically smoke up? What correlation is there between tarantula ownership and being a dealer? No rational one, but when you see a tank containing a lizard in a front room the likelihood of the owner rolling a joint on a Hawkwind album hardens to certainty.


Many people, including leading astrophysicists, keep an open mind about the possibility of intelligent extraterrestrial life. Not if you’re a stoner. Your mind is slammed shut, and within it there is no doubt whatsoever that aliens exist, regularly visit our planet, and were solid buddies with the ancient Egyptians. While not believing in the moon landing.


Hemp could make bottles that biodegrade in just 90 days. It could make beautiful, natural, and yet durable, clothing. It makes paper, sustainable buildings, and biofuel. But somehow you never see breadhead businessmen in sharp suits and slicked-back hair advocating for its use, only befuddled men exhaling bong hits. Which is suspicious.

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Man indulging hangover like pampered pet

A MAN is lavishing attention on his hangover and giving it everything it could possibly need no matter what the expense.

Beginning by getting up at 6am, without complaint, to give his hangover the pint of water and two paracetamol it was noisily demanding, Nathan Muir has made sure it wants for absolutely nothing.

Housemate Lauren Hewitt said: “He’s in his room, curtains closed, whispering ‘there, there’ to it while they gently watch old episodes of The Mandalorian together.

“There’s a note in the kitchen asking everyone to be quiet so as not to set it off. He’s hand-feeding it Monster Munch and bottled Lucozade, careful not to disturb it with bright lights or sudden movements.

“This is a man who’d rather steal napkins than buy toilet paper, but at lunchtime a Deliveroo from Greggs arrived ‘because this hangover deserves to be treated with respect’.

“He’s running a hot bath with candles and relaxing music, just to soothe the hangover. If he could give this much devotion and attention to a woman he wouldn’t have been single for six years.”

Muir said: “Treat a hangover well and it’ll treat you well. And when the moment is right, I’ll give it the ultimate reward: lager.”