NO matter how early you get up some bastard has always been up for a whole hour already, it has been confirmed.
Even if you get up at 6am to go for a run you will encounter a prick on their way back who will remark on what a shame it is that you missed out on a spectacular sunrise.
Tom Booker of Leicester said: “I arrived at my desk at 7.30am for a conference call with Japan, expecting to have the office to myself. But no.
“Steve was already there, taking a swig of protein shake, glancing at his Apple Watch saying ‘Afternoon, part-timer? Nice lie-in? Did you treat yourself to a second wank?’”
Wife Elsie Booker said: “Tom was up at 6.30am, congratulating himself. I’d already been up for an hour with the baby, filling the bird feeders and making myself breakfast.
“I mentioned it to the postman while signing for a parcel and he told me he was at the sorting office by 4am sharp, and it wasn’t a problem because he woke up at that time regardless. Twat.”
Tube driver Joe Turner confirmed: “Every morning the platforms fill up with early birds taking great satisfaction from being active and productive while everyone else is still asleep. But I’ve already been at work for an hour, so take that you smug bastards.”