HALLOWEEN party? Intended to buy a costume but didn’t? They’re lining up to judge you, but with imagination and a refuse sack you can style it out:
Tar monster
Everyone’s favourite Scooby Doo villain. Who could forget the way the tar monster was a monster that was covered in tar, and maybe did some other stuff? Remember to poke in air holes to stop your costume becoming a body bag.
Punk witch
Witches don’t need hats, or cats, or cauldrons, or broomsticks or any of that shite. You’re a punk witch who needs nothing more than a bin bag and a bad attitude. Another witch, who has all the stuff and painted her face green, is glaring at you.
Budget Batman
Christian Bale or Robert Pattinson? How about neither? This superhero is wearing ill-fitting jeans and dirty trainers under his cape. Just keep saying ‘I’m Batman’ in a funny voice, it’s a solid joke that will never get old.
Budget bat
If you don’t have the physique to pull off the caped crusader, you can always say you’re just the animal. No-one knows or cares what a bat actually looks like. Black, flappy, squeak a bit; actually, how did they inspire a vigilante? Who’s scared of a f**king bat?
Pollution
The best Halloween costumes are the ones with a deeper message, so give Just Stop Oil a run for their money with a look that highlights a societal ill. Your outfit represents the plastics in our oceans and choking our fulmars or whatever. Is your costume also made from plastic that will be sent to landfill? Yes. Irony, heard of it?
Sexy bin bag
When in doubt, perv it out. Embrace the fact that the bin bag is too short by exposing a touch of arse cheek and/or cleavage to please the crowds. The sweat levels from being dressed in industrial plastic will only enhance your sultriness.
