Teen spends three hours agonising over what to wear to hang out in car park

A TEENAGER has been struggling with monumental indecision over which of her outfits would best suit loitering in a car park behind a B&M Bargains.

Sophie Rodriguez found herself debating between two cute cami tops, even though it was f**king freezing outside and her mum would probably make her wear a coat anyway.

Rodriguez said: “It’s important to look your best for key events in the social calendar, such as hanging out in the park, hanging out in the shopping centre, and hanging about outside the chippie after school.

“And where else is anyone going to see my Shein hauls? I need to wear something like this knitted mesh ruffle sweetheart neckline dress, or Jack Browne, who I really fancy, will be more interested in Nikki Hollis because she looks old enough to buy vapes.

“As well as clothes, there’s also make-up to think about. I had to spend 40 minutes doing my contouring even though the streetlights in the car park don’t work so barely anyone would see my face anyway. It’s exhausting being young.”

Mum Donna said: “I hate how Sophie her friends hang around on the street. They should instead stay inside with their phones and computers. Hang on, that’s not right either.

“To be honest, I just wish she’d grow up and leave home so I don’t have to worry about this shit anymore.”

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Mate in the group chat who never says anything died in 2019

A WHATSAPP group is the mourning the loss of one of its members after it was discovered his silence was not due to him ‘being shit at the bantz’, but because he is dead.

Martin Bishop, who was often mocked for being silent in WhatsApp chat ‘The Lads’, was hit by a bus five years ago, an event only revealed to the rest of the group when his grieving family switched his phone on again after finding it in a drawer.

Group member Stephen Malley said: “He was always a quiet one. He’d put the occasional thumbs up on something, but that was it really, so when he went completely silent we didn’t even notice.

“It’s not like we ever arranged to meet up or anything, just sent memes and ripped the piss out of each other, same as all online chats of friendship groups which would have died a natural death before the age of texting.

“I hope his family didn’t scroll back too far when they turned his phone on. We’d spent a lot of time discussing whose wife we’d most like to bang. Martin’s was ranked bottom. Sorry Nikki.”

When asked if not noticing Martin’s death would lead to the WhatsApp group becoming a more mature place and a resource for emotional support, Malley replied ‘Shagging your mum is my emotional support’ and posted a gif of Borat.