A TEENAGE boy has announced his intention to have a growth spurt that will render his school uniform redundant by half-term.
Fourteen year-old Nathan Muir will produce gallons of growth hormone with the result that his clothing will look ridiculously small, and his increasingly Hobbit-like feet will split any shoe if forced into one.
Nathan’s mum Susan said: “I know it’s a natural part of growing up, but I really hope Nathan’s limbs and head get back into proportion with the rest of his body because at the moment he, frankly, looks weird.
“He’s only had that uniform for five weeks and is already tearing the seams of it like the Incredible Hulk, if the Hulk was particularly gangly and wore too much CK One Shock.
“At the rate Nathan is growing he’ll need a new uniform every term and I’m not made of money, despite his firm belief that I’m a kitchen combined with a cash machine, rather than a human being.
“If it wasn’t so cold I’d stop buying shoes and paint his feet black.”