Teenager desperate for people to know he smokes weed

A TEENAGE boy really wants everybody to know he enjoys a toke, it has emerged.

17-year-old Wayne Hayes works unsubtle hints about his love of cannabis into every conversation, but is afraid to say it outright for fear of being ‘nicked’.

Hayes said: “My mates call me Wayne Blaze. Not because I’m an arsonist. It’s because I like to get… you know.

“What’s the time? 4.20 already? You know what that means. Time for some sweet ‘Mary Jane’.

“You do know what I’m talking about, right? Good. Just wanted to check.”

Wayne’s mother Susan Hayes did not seem too concerned about her son’s drug habit.

She said: “He can’t smoke it that much because I’ve never smelled pot around the house. I think he just likes talking about it. 

“It’s sweet he wants people to think he’s edgy but him and all his friends are such nice lads, no matter how much Pop Smoke they blast from his room.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Couple sure everyone enjoyed that 25-minute baby story

A COUPLE are convinced their long and detailed baby story was both interesting and entertaining.

Tom Logan and Nikki Hollis believe friends in the pub were gripped by their account of their daughter’s attempts to say ‘daddy’, which lasted almost half an hour.

Hollis said: “It’s a wonderful story because Emily-Rose tries to day ‘daddy’ but it comes out as ‘taga’. Who’d have thought babies did things like that?

“I set the scene with a detailed description of Emily-Rose’s activities – crying, eating, sleeping – then launched into the main story. I should probably become a children’s author like Roald Dahl.

“You could tell everyone was enjoying it because they kept nodding slightly. Martin in particular loved it. The grin on his face was absolutely fixed.”

Logan said: “Nikki told the story brilliantly but I added some great impressions of Emily-Rose saying ‘taga’. I said it about 30 times because Sally laughed politely every time.

“We’re all meeting again in a fortnight for a meal so we’ll probably tell them our other excellent story about how we bought a toy xylophone but she’s a bit young for it.”

Friend Martin Bishop said: “Oh Christ.”