EQUALITY has vastly improved, but let’s not get carried away. As far as household chores go, these need to remain the preserve of men, argues Donna Sheridan.
Taking out the bins
Everyone lost their shit when Theresa May said that taking out the bins was a boy’s job, but she only touched a nerve because she was right. Evolution and God have blessed men with powerful biceps specially designed to carry plastic rubbish sacks, and who are we to mess with their grand design? Our feeble female limbs would only spill them everywhere and make a mess.
Yes, the shower drain is usually blocked with manky woman hair, but this is a plumbing issue so it falls under a man’s remit. It has nothing to do with the fact that extracting a fistful of pubes from a pipe is disgusting and makes you retch. Women could unclog drains just as well, if not better, than men, but some glass ceilings aren’t meant to be smashed.
Cleaning the car
You’d like that, wouldn’t you? A woman working up a foamy lather as she scrubs down a car while wearing Daisy Duke cut-offs and a crop top? Shirking this chore is an act of emancipation from male oppression, which is convenient because it’s tedious and we f**king hate doing it. We can barely keep the inside of a car clean anyway, let alone the exterior.
Obviously, more women need to get into STEM subjects. But only in school and the workplace. At home it’s best that things remain old-fashioned, meaning men take care of technical stuff. With something as dangerous as electricity, we feel so much safer if a man uses his vast scientific knowledge. Definitely. We wouldn’t just prefer to mess around with our makeup. No way.
Mowing the lawn
There’s nothing sexier than watching a red-faced man clumsily manoeuvre a lawn mower around a garden and wipe sweat from his brow, so don’t rob us of this simple erotic thrill. Don’t worry, we’ll repay the favour by reclining on a deckchair doing bugger all and topping up our sun tans. Can’t say fairer than that.