TRAINERS are the new fine art, and like most fine art they’re f**king ugly. Here’s how to invest in shit-looking footwear that will appreciate in value:
Ranging anywhere from a few hundred to a million dollars in price, Yeezys are the signature brand of all-around bellend Kanye West. Coveted by tasteless pricks who like swirly beige Crocs, they genuinely will be worth thousands unless the world realises.
Chanel x Pharrell Williams
Brands like Chanel have prestige and exclusivity. These are features that are worth something. Until it occurs to us stamping a huge logo of shoes by the guy from Blurred Lines isn’t the fashion statement they’re claiming? And maybe you could spend that twenty grand on like a mortgage?
Nike Air from Back to the Future II
Released in 2011 as replicas of the self-lacing bad boys from the movie, they go for £24k at auction. But what was cool and futuristic in 1989 isn’t now, when only seven-year-olds are proud of their light-up shoes.
No doubt about it, Air Jordans can be a sleek, fashionable shoe. But the further you go up the pay scale, the more you should realise that the only person capable of pulling off some of these is Mr Jordan himself. And even then, if it’s a collab with DJ Khaled? Save the money, Michael.
Anything with diamonds stuck on
Diamonds are worth a lot of money. By that logic, shoes with a lot of diamonds stuck all over them will be worth a lot of money. However, this will leave you in the situation of being the twat with a shitload of diamonds all over his trainers.