Things described as ‘rustic’ generally shit

THINGS that are old, tatty or just total crap are being made to sound desirable by describing them as ‘rustic’.

Items that are badly made or very old and knackered – from loaves of bread to houses – are callously being passed off as status symbols to idiots who believe anything.

Lawyer Francesca Johnson said: “When I first viewed my house I thought it was a filthy hovel with a pigeon infestation until the estate agent explained it had ‘bags of rustic charm’.

“I’ve stuck with that as a theme whilst buying furniture. Often I’ve thought someone’s trying to palm off a load of old junk from their dead granny’s attic for an extortionate price. But then they mention it’s rustic and I snap it up.

“It applies to food as well. My local farmer’s market is full of oddly shaped cakes, one of which costs more than a big shop at Asda, and they’re rustic too. Or artisanal.

“I don’t know what that means but it’s obviously good.

“I’ve also bought countless things described as ‘shabby chic’, ‘vintage’ and ‘distressed’. Imagine if I’d wasted my money on something clean and functional from IKEA instead.

“How dreadful.”