IS your home full of possessions that might be off-putting to a potential partner? Here are some items you should definitely hide before they come over.
Serial killer books
If you’ve got books about Dennis Nilsen, Harold Shipman, Fred West, Ted Bundy and all the ‘classic’ serial killers, a woman will not be discussing them because she’s interested in your research into deviant psychology. She’s just buying time before she bolts for the door.
Extremely girly DVDs
Confronted by a wall of Girls, Sex and the City, Jennifer Aniston romcoms, The OC and Mamma Mia films, a man will correctly deduce that you rewatch a lot of crap TV, and he will have to do the same. Hide them, and only once you’re a couple subject him to Dawson’s Creek five nights a week.
The Nazis are an oddly acceptable form of entertainment, be it books, films or documentaries. However if you’ve got a biography of Himmler and a dozen Sven Hassel novels with titles like SS Death Squad Massacre, perhaps pop those under the bed.
Your doll collection
Any doll collection sends out bad messages. Antique dolls: just creepy. Kids’ dolls like Sindy: I have never grown up. ‘Collectable’ dolls: I am a mug who wastes money on overpriced tat. Baby dolls: let’s get married and have a baby next week. If you’re a male doll collector, there’s also: I might be Norman Bates.
Snakes and tarantulas are the obvious pets that need a holiday in the loft when a potential shag comes over, unless you’re Gavin Williamson or a Goth. Piranhas, ant farms and stick insects will also cramp your style. If you’ve got some sort of exotic wild cat, get rid of it anyway before it grows to four feet long and eats you.
Incredibly predictable art
Henri Matisse’s The Dance is so predictable that a framed print of Airwolf would be more artistically interesting. Get a ‘Where’s Wally?’ poster instead and you’ll soon be holding hands looking for the specky bastard.