Monday, 19th April 2021

Tiny dog very angry about it

A DOG no bigger than a shoe is absolutely f***ing raging about it and ready to take on the world. 

Keith, a Yorkipoo from Edinburgh, denied he was suffering from small canine syndrome and swore he would rip the ears off the next twat who commented on how cute he was.

He continued: “It’s bad enough from humans, holding me in their cupped hands and saying how neatly I’d fit into their handbags. Patronising bastards.

“But nothing, absolutely nothing, makes me rage like the way other dogs look at me in the park. That mix of pity and mockery you get from a Labrador sends me off my f**king nut.

“You’ve never seen rage like it. Everything makes me angry. Blades of grass in the park. The mere sight of a slipper. The opening of a door. The theme to The One Show gives me the red mist.

“It’s not my fault. I was bred this way.”

King Charles spaniel Tom Booker said: “Yeah, we all avoid Keith. You only have to walk past his house and he’s yapping at the window like he’s going give himself an aneurysm.

“Poor little f**ker. Still you can’t help but laugh.”