HAS it ever occurred to you that something every sane person thinks or does might be completely wrong? Undiscovered genius Tom Logan expounds his revolutionary ideas:
Towels don’t need washing because you only use them when you’re clean
Think about it. You step out of the shower squeaky-clean, the towel only ever touches your good, clean body, it dries, it’s still clean. It is literally impossible for it to get dirty. Ignore the musty odour, that’s just what concentrated cleanliness smells like.
People should be able to drive whatever speed they want
The German autobahn is the safest road in the world, purely because there are no speed limits. Because drivers aren’t worrying about speed limits they’re free to concentrate on their actual driving, improving it 100 per cent. As long as you’re confident and in control, you should be allowed to drive 90mph in a School Crossing zone.
We don’t need to brush our teeth because people in the old days didn’t
Watch any period drama and you’ll see that people had perfect, lovely teeth. And did they use charcoal toothpaste and a Philips Sonicare? No. It’s all just a racket by the dental industry designed to defraud us of millions every year.
All political parties are equally bad so politics is pointless
As I’m at pains to explain to ‘socialists’, all political parties are as bad as each other so you shouldn’t bother caring. That’s why I always vote for the smallest, stupidest party I can find – not to support them, but just as a clever meta-joke about how pointless everyone’s ideas for bettering society are.
There’s never any money left at the end of the month whatever
It doesn’t matter if you’re careful or you splurge, there’s never any money left the week before you get paid regardless. It just goes, so you might as well spend it while you’ve got it rather than let it trickle away when you’re not looking. Get yourself a treat.