Sunday, 9th August 2020

Twat gets intense satisfaction from having wrong opinion about everything

A MAN gets a tiresome thrill from never expressing a single reasonable opinion about anything, people have noticed.

Stephen Malley loves nothing more than to set out his misinformed opinions about everything from the Israeli-Palestine conflict to 1970s children’s bikes as a weird provocation to his friends.

Friend Martin Bishop said: “He has this joyful smile whenever he expresses one of his completely stupid opinions. Yesterday it was communism, about which he knows f**k all.

“I can’t deny Steve’s got a wide range of interests. Why Woody Allen’s latest films are better than the early ones. How Pete is an idiot for buying a Hyundai. Why gravity is ‘wrong’.

“What his opinions do have in common is that they are all based on total ignorance. I used to think he was trolling me, but no, he really is a vastly overconfident dipshit.”

Malley said: “I very much enjoy discussing different subjects and contributing with an opinion that I just came up with on the fly.

“I’ll be chatting to friends later so I think I’ll kick off with why the Beatles were shit, then work my way though a variety of hot topics before explaining why we should invade Hong Kong.”