THE year’s first heatwave is here, and with it the chance to perform indoor activities in full view of your neighbours. What will you be ashamed of doing tomorrow?
Susan Traherne, percussionist: “Not sex. I wouldn’t have sex in my garden in full view of everybody. Just oral.”
Wayne Hayes, delivery driver: “Front garden: strimming in nothing but a thong. Back garden: not realising my balls hang within strimmer range once I’ve discarded my thong.”
Joe Turner, IT consultant: “Playing our regular weekly Dungeons & Dragons session. These people were not made to be seen by the sun, or God.”
Jo Kramer, GP: “It’s not so much regret doing as regret not doing for me, and I very much regret not going out to pick up a single one of my Great Dane’s shits since October.”
Tom Logan, web engineer: “Ignoring my wife and kids to spend 14 hours a day on my f**king phone, as usual.”
