Weirdo parks car in garage

A SICK freak has provoked widespread disgust after parking his car in his garage. 

Norman Steele, aged 55, has outraged his whole neighbourhood after driving his car up to face his garage but, instead of parking it there, he opened his garage door and drove into it in violation of all societal norms.

Eyewitness Susan Traherne said: “Garages aren’t supposed to have cars in. That’s where you store your old freezer and all the broken stuff you haven’t quite got the energy to take to the tip.

“Not his. It was clean, empty apart from a few things on shelves – car-related things, even more bizarrely – and once he’d parked up he closed the door. Like the rest of us can’t be trusted with his precious car.

“I caught the whole thing on my phone and posted it to YouTube, where it’s ranking with that woman who put the cat in the bin as one of the strangest and most fury-provoking clips on the internet.

“Sure he’s a bit old, so he might get confused and do odd stuff with garages. But if he’s doing that, what else is he doing?”

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Woman cooks meal to blackmail friends into coming to her flat

A WOMAN has deviously cooked a meal to force her mates to come to her place rather than go out to meet them.

Nikki Hollis offered to cook knowing it would coerce friends into gruelling bus and train journeys to her flat in Roundhay, Leeds, while she only had to visit Morrisons down the road.

Hollis said: “I sent out an innocent-sounding email saying ‘Hey, instead of going out why don’t I make a nice meal for everyone?’ and the idiots walked straight into the trap.

“I didn’t even go to much trouble. Fancy pasta, onions, mince, and the same sauce I’ve been making since I was a student. They’ll have to say it’s nice whatever.

“And for that minimal outlay I get all the joy of not going out. My flat’s a real pain in the anus to get to, but I didn’t have to travel further than my living room for a good booze-up with all my friends.

“Their evening was blighted by missing night buses, sharing Ubers and coming to pick up the car before 8am the next morning, but that’s their problem. I was all drunk and comfy in bed by midnight, so I win.”

Friend Emma Bradford said: “I knew full well what the conniving bitch was up to. I’d have said something but I want her to come to my ‘fajita night’. It’s a conspiracy of silence.”