Were you a Clarks nerd or a Kickers cool kid? What your school shoes said about you

YOUR footwear at school was crucial to how you were viewed by your contemporaries. Here’s how your 90s school shoes affected the rest of your life.

Clarks nerd

Yes, your shoes might have been the best-fitting and you have probably gone on to a successful career, but nobody in their early teens cared about that. The truth is that your mum chose your shoes and they cemented your reputation as a nerd from the moment you turned up.

Kickers cool kid

Wow, has that guy got Kickers on? If that was you, you must have been cool, probably had floppy hair worn in a centre parting and carried around a trendy Eastpak rucksack. What a shame that you focused more on your image than your academic work, and you have struggled to match the highs of your schooldays ever since.

Dr Martens club member

Again, image mattered to you, and that yellow stitching was the height of fashion. You would wear your ‘DMs’ to school if you could get away with it, or just at weekends and wear less cool shoes during the week. Either way, you lived in them – until someone walked off with them after confusing them for their own because, let’s face it, everyone had them.

Cheap imitations

Your parents did not have the money for expensive brands or sensibly preferred not to spend it on their long-suffering child’s footwear, so you were left with what were clearly cheap imitations. The problem is that your year group were not so understanding and did not let it go unmentioned. Remember how you dreamed of buying Caterpillar boots with steel toes so you could kick them back, the pubescent bastards?

Woolworths plimsolls/Dunlop Green Flash

The shame. If you didn’t have cool trainers for PE you faced mocking comments and a permanent drop in status. Really you should have been allowed to change schools and make a fresh start.

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Should we delay easing lockdown? A scientist and a f**kwit debate

SHOULD the UK delay coming out of lockdown on June 21st? Here qualified epidemiologist Stephen Malley and Sun reader Roy Hobbs argue their respective cases.

Malley: To me, rising incidences of the Indian variant suggest we should be cautious. 

Hobbs: I went down the pub last night and I’m not dead. Science is bollocks.

Malley: There is still a lot we don’t know about Covid, for example, harm to younger people and long-term effects.

Hobbs: Look, if I want to go to DFS and buy a sofa that’s my fundamental human right. I’m not letting a bunch of liberal-fascist science eggheads stop me having my freedom. That’s what I call June 21st – Freedom Day. You lot are worse than the Germans.

Malley: I feel that Boris Johnson’s government will do whatever is politically expedient, without regard for the wider public health risks.

Hobbs:  Whatever Boris does, I support him because he’s getting the foreigners out.

Malley: I’m just worried that too much social mingling will lead to a third wave of Covid.

Hobbs: I just want me good old mam round. She’s been locked up in total isolation apart from daily visits by all our family who’ve been ignoring every lockdown rule since they started.

Malley: When a new variant of Covid gets a foothold there’s a danger that cases will rise exponentially.

Hobbs: Expo what? Things go up, things go down. Fancy words won’t get you anywhere. A meteorite could smash into the Earth tomorrow and kill us all. Bet you haven’t done the sums for that.

Malley: This is a waste of my time.

Hobbs: Bugger off and don’t come back then. I’m going to do some proper scientific research by asking people on a 5G conspiracy Facebook page.